I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
