Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
