My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
