well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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