Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
