pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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