Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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