Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
