I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
