took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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