Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
