my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I currently don't understand fingers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
