a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
