i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
