You work out of a Hotel?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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