i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
