Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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