Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
