Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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