We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
