I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
