i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
