When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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