a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
