My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
