just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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