Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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