My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
