I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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