On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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