I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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