For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i now understand why vodka
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
