I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
