you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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