Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
