you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
