I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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