I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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