the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
