So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
