Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
