I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
