I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize