Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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