what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
