make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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