I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
