Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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