hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
