I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
