I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
