Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
