this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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