Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She said her name was "party"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
