Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
