I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
