My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
