I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize