Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
