I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
