Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize