just come out here and I will go home with you...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
